So it's been a while.

I guess i want to get back on this, i'm just not bothered to write in my diary as much or i forget to or whatever.

I know this may sound pathetic but i really miss having someone there. It sucks to know that all i can remember is the bad things that have happened to me, relationship wise. All i can remember is getting hurt, crying myself to sleep and trying harder to get over it and that just keeps repeating.

I dont understand it, don't i deserve to be happy?
I know i'm not the only person to feel this but seriously, i know that if i found a decent person that won't play me, cheat on me or hurt me intentionally.. i could do whatever it takes to keep them right beside me where i needed them the most. I miss having someone call me 'baby' or 'honey' or another name they had just for me, i miss hand holding and sweet talking. I don't get it. What do i need to do to just even feel that for a minute?

It's worse now because now that i've met a few really nice american guys who are genuinely gentlemen and have matured, i compare them to guys i know here and none of them meet their standards. I'm not saying that america doesn't have jerks but it just seems like they've got what i've been wanting. Guys here just keep fucking around with girls and use us like we're nothing and i hate it. Explaining why i really want to go to the states.

I know that if i find someone there, they'll fill this spot that i feel has been missing but i can't. Just sucks even more cos i've been waiting and nothings happening.

This is just amazing.

im sick of the hookups, the set ups, the fuck ups.
the guy who only wants one thing.
the guy who doesnt know what he wants.
the guy who does but wont admit it.
I just want the real thing.

- Tumblr

So this shit is totally dead, and noone reads im guessing
which is good.

Havent really been bothered for anything this week
just been watching movies and msning
alots been occupying my mind.
"My emotions revolve around the weather" - Katherine.
Definitely true, when it rains .. omfg yock
lol i feel shit. if its sunny and windy, i love it :)

Oh i love costume parties.
no joke, omg. like yaknow
i love dressing up, for Mae's i was a maid :)
only costed me $20. lol made it from cheap thangs.
Lol "smart" maid cos they kept calling me a slut --"
fml. aha not even
Next is christmas party :)
"santa's little helper" yayayayay.


cannot wait till holidays :)
going out and spending money.
yesssssssssssssssssss*

. japjap . 612 says:

well shariza, i hope a nice BOY comes and sweeps you off yo' feeet

cos you totes deserve it :)

Aww thanks Yo'fat.

---

Anyways i think i sort of understand the pattern of the events that happened this year

why i was so determined with my ex. Why i held on?

Can only come in the form of 2 words .. First Love.

♫ Such a shame, we ended up this way .. deciding that we're better off with others. And if She, gives you something i can't then I'm okay with that because at the end of the day .. all i got to say is boy your my heart, You can be with her f'life.. that dont change the fact that im your first love. "

Nothing beats it until you actually feel the real deal .

This first love is who you compare every other guy too

something you felt strongly for .. for the first time and didnt want to let go

i get it. i understand. it didnt make me stupid ..

it just blinded me from the truth.

But now? Its gone already .. long gone

pops up from time to time on my shitty days but apart from that ..

i'm all good. Not seeing him made things so much easier to move on ..

its the key ingredient that i needed.

Im all better now. Never been happier. :) Drama free..

making life boring ahhaa yock.

Now im a fucking 5th wheel. ahha fuck you bitches.

Migs & Wnona, Kayd & Clayd.

S'only me & Shasha, against the world. ahahahahaha

x

I totally like this photo. :) I don't believe in the word forever. Stopped believing in it years ago --"

--

My so called friend, hasn't spoken one word to me since we last talked.

Aparently.. 'giving me space' still but I've had so much time to think about this crap

even before he gave me space.

Him apparently "not giving up trying to find out whats wrong with me"

is bullshit. nawwmean? because he hasn't exactly tried.

Him not asking me .. just shows me that what he says .. doesn't really mean anything ..

all the .. ' no i can't not worry because you my friend' crap.

Watever bro.

Oh yeah, and that "other thing"

that was doing my head in for pretty much a week ..

ITS GONE :) don''t care anymore. Happy whoo yahh whoo yah.

x

I really think this family thing is bigger than i expected. I think my aunty hates me for something i didnt do. Everytime i ask to visit my cousin, she has to ask her mum and then her mum always says no. wtf, think she hates me :\

--

AHAAHHAHA i was talking to Wnona on msn

and i described these images as bad as catching your parents having sex.

How that image will never be erased from your mind?

yeah thats how i feel.

My Love Horoscope for the day.

You are going through another of your infamous periods of withdrawal, Pisces, and this may lend for some progress in the romance department. You do enjoy the social limelight, but today even when you are with others you may feel separate and alone. Seeing other couples may provide you with twinges of nostalgia, or senses of missing someone with a foreign connection. Sadness and disappointments are part of life, but you may be experiencing this with greater depth in this period. You may want to consider looking objectively at this relationship. This is a situation where it is not too late to change anything. Progress is possible, if you leave things in the past and make a fresh start today, you will find that someone else is just as willing to take your lead.

That part in red, fuck

I do hate couples. Surrounded by them lmfao

i tell them i hate them, ive told nona countless times how much i hate her & migs.
She knows it. & soon with Kris. omg.

The party was a good escape from reality

really, it was.

but now? Its fucking killing me

replaying over & over & over

and it wont stop.

its fucked.

Drink up again soon, ben10 says.

They shouldve let out all the drinks last night --''

i tk n, i rly rgt y.

i shdv lnt m lsn fucking 2 yrs ag

b i dnt. i wnt f agn ds yr nd lk wt fkng hpnd ds tm!

lk ll thr tms. sm ndng. m wndn p gtn hrt.

yafcbialy

Today.

Found something i wasnt meant to see

it got me all fucked up

havent cried in so long, but today ..

failed.

i was meant to have fun, drink as much as i could

and dance my life out tonight ..

i danced my life out but only had 2 drinks, so nothing happened.

this fucked me up.

seriously omg.

can't explain exactly what im feeling and whats going thru my mind :(

what i saw, i cannot get it out of my mind

fucking going to stay there for the rest of my life.

fuck.

yafcbialy.

hpfli nn rds ths nimr.

wl, v gt ds fln dt i ct xctli xpln.

8s bn psn m f f d ps fw dys nao

8 ll std wn d wthr std fking up

8s mkn m fl lk st br. n jk, idn wt t d.

i fl fkn lnli br, i nw yr tkn t otr gls

& dts tts nml. i nw. 8s hd t sy dt drs lws gg t b smtn dr f y,

wch i dny bcs i dn w 8 t b tru.

bt v fucking lst ne f m hps gd frnds cs h fnd a grl.

i mn, drng d hlds.. h cld m rrdy. now? hsn spkn t m n wks.

mother fucker, i know. wst f tm.

smtms i wnt t b ntstd n lv agn? lk i ms d fln f 8

b y.. Y FKD 8 UP F M. swr t gd.

8s lk i dn blv n 8 nym. i cn std d fct dt ppl r sooooooooooooo hP w/ w vr dyr w/.

& i wsn vn cls. fucking hell. i spn m tm n y wn i cdv hd d lv f m lf rt nw.

nw 8s fkd. n lngr srs nym.. js fk rnd w/ w vr.

i ht y bt i dn?

wl dn mtr n. wdeta --"

)(*^&%$%&^(^)(&

hwhb ♥

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

LIFE IS GOOD

WATCHED MICHAEL JACKSON :)

i feel so good, my mother trusts me so much more

i feel so trusted. ahahahha

Thursday - I came home at 9pm

Friday - I came home at 9pm

Saturday - I came home at 12am

Tuesday - I came home at 9pm again

LMFAOO WHOOOHOO (H)

HWHB! Ssl, 8s bn s lg y?

ct blv tt i stl rmb 8 br.

hp y h fn a? dn thk y vn rmb 8

x

"Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no make up on. Thats when your the prettiest, i hope that you don't take it wrong."

Life is greaaat. It doesn't get any better than this.

Smooth sailin' and i love life.

Yeah. Whooooooo

WNONA's coming back on Friday.

I miss her like fuck omg. ahha

x

WHAT THE FUCK.

Get a life.

Yeah ? yeah.

Saw a cute guy today awww.

He had nice arms, light yellow singlet with blue skinnies..

A Grey beenie and aviators.

HE WAS HOT. omg omg.

100th Post

Yeaaah hundreth post today :D

Filo Fiesta

Fuck Filo Fest, lol no one goes. It's boring and its like not fun anymore. Last year was saved by me & Carla rapping over some fucking mango ice cream we bought for $4. That went on pretty much the whole night. ahhaha But yeah, Tb central broo. I'd go for the food :D

So instead of ff, I went to watch Final Destination 3D with Krisha. lol Got free upgraded food from macdo :) and free 3D glasses. lmfao which specifically say "Do not use these glasses as sun glasses" ahha nice. Yeah 'Bobby Campos' is pretty cute. Reminds me of Seth Cohen but like .. not good enough for my list. lol Aj Rafael - he was just a phase.

School tomorrow, only "yr 12's" now. Yuck, im old. ahha

Had a dream about some guy named Adem ;) it was pretty good hah perfect boyfriend height too. lol and his dad was Rufus from GG and he was inlove with my mum. hahaha Adem's sister was Donna from neighbours and yeah. There was a secret society in my garage. ahahhaahhaa How hectic do my dreams sound? anyways

Follow me on tumblr, its more fun lol

s-reezuuuh.tumblr.com

btw, good luck yr 12's. HSC coming soon.

(MMY)

Adiós

SMY

1 more blog to go.

So today i was bored shitless, again. aha SCHOOL

YES. I Miss EVERYONE FUCK.

First offf, this morning.. i had the biggest fight with a friend.

Never thought it'd get so big, over fucking nothing.

We argued from 12am and finished at 230am. It was pointless

but made complicated. i do not understand how it got there

I copied the convo & pasted in a document so i could print it for my diary

and it was 23 pages long. what the fuck aye?

I thought we'd never talk again. Cos last time we had a fight like that we blocked eachother for a month or so and still over my birthday. so yeah sucked.

I watched HSM3. And .. i cried. Swear theres something wrong with me,

i cry over the most weirdest movies! ahhaaa

Then Rush Hour 3. :)

Then Benchwarmers. lmfao at the stupid guy, my favourite ! <3

yeah I DID REVERSE PARKING! i'm getting it. whoo

excited. ahhahahah yeah hopefully i get my P's in March.

yayyyyyyuh. And thats it, my day. Proud of me? :D

Happy Birthday Ichad, Love You Forever and Ever. ( For tomorrow)

----

Things left unsaid.

Girl: Your new girlfriend is pretty. (I bet she stole your heart)
Boy: Yeah, she is. (But you’re still the most beautiful girl I know)
Girl: I heard she’s funny and amazing. (All the stuff I wasn’t)
Boy: She sure is. (But she’s nothing compared to you)
Girl: I bet you know everything about her by now. (Like how you knew just about everything about me)
Boy: Only the stuff that counts. (I can’t even remember the stuff she tells me when I think of you)
Girl: Well, I hope you guys last. (Because we never did)
Boy: I hope we do too. (Whatever happened to me & you?)
Girl: Well I got to go. (Before I start to cry)
Boy: Yeah me too. (I hope you don’t cry)
Girl: Bye. (I still love you)
Boy: Later. (I never stopped)

Omg, this is gna make me cry. mmy! :(

(2 more posts to go)