Everyday holds the potential for beauty.

This anger that i had was so full of hate that i didnt even know how much of Edbie's actions i took to heart. On the 12th of August, i wrote a little entry in my phone & the anger was so overwhelming.
'Edbie, i fucking hate you. I may not be capable of hating but you come close. Whenever i see you, i feel like punching something in the face. After hearing all those things you did with other girls, your so full of it. You like the game, you never wanted me. you liked the fact that i wasn't yours and you knew how easy it is for me to fall for you again. You like fucking around with my feelings and emotions. I hate you for hurting me. You make my life so much more complicated. Why would you do that? You knew that i loved you, so you show me yourself that you lied to me. Its the fucking worst. You dont deserve to know how i feel Edbie, you dont deserve anything from me.'
I seriously didnt know how much of it had taken over, how much of it had eaten away at me in as little as a week.

Dear Self,
I can feel that invincible feeling of happiness slowly fading away. I dont know whats causing it, it may be everything or it may be nothing. All i know is that slowly my happiness fades.

Shariza, I swear to God. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why does this happen to you? I know it kills you because i can feel it. Edbie was no good for you yet you still accepted him whenever he came back. It took you at least 5 times to learn your lesson & an extra 5 chances of getting hurt but im glad you did learn. Clearing the air was a smart move cause it also cleared your mind & relieved you of your hate.

Take things slowly this time. Take them slowly so that you do it properly, one step at a time. Baby steps if you have too. As long as later you'll be okay. I know your strong enough to do this. Just survive the rest of these 6 weeks then he wont be there anymore. I know everytime you see him, all of your hurt, anger, happiness and whatever will come back but Shariza, no more Edbie.

Shariza, your strong & your heart will soon mend. Its just a matter of time. These events will help build you up, help make you stronger & help make you wiser.

Love, Shariza.