Reminisce.

Throughout these blogs, it seems like i loved you didnt it?
and i think i know why. When we broke up last time, i was so fed up
with the hurt and the pain and i was angry so i just blocked out all of it.
I never missed you, I never wanted to see you, I never reminisced about anything,
I just gave up straight away not wanting any of it. Liking someone else made that all possible.
but now, i think all that has come back because I always miss you, i always want to see you, i reminisce with any spare time i have and Im not ready to give up on you, i dont want to give up on you. All that has caught up with me now and i cant seem to escape it, the thing is i dont think i want to escape it.

Remember that night we had a talk, and you said 'i still feel like we're still in 2007'. I didnt want to admit it to myself but yeeah you were right. So maybe part of the reason why it hurts this much and why i like you heaps more is probably because of that. I was whipped back in the days, and look at me now, writing stupid blogs about how i feel and how much the pain hurts me and how much i still miss you and want to be with you regardless of getting hurt yet again. And you, you felt like you were a dickhead and maybe you were. You used to 'forget' to call me at night sometimes and you did it this time, you wouldnt try a lot for me sometimes and it sounds so familiar even now. Like really, when i was in fils, i used to call you alot and every call was 600 pesos, prolly called you like 5 times. So thats $100 + the taxi's that i paid for was 50$. I spent heaps and usually im poor and i came to think of it, you only drove me home once and nothing special really comes to mind ><.

Whatever happened to ..

From: flipstaz_30@hotmail.com
To: sharizaaa_@hotmail.comSubject:
RE: I'm Bored ;)

SHARIZAAA!!!! >.<

my sister told me ur online
and tell me to go on my laptop lol
im watchin o.c hmmmmz
i downloaded this for u before u went

it makes me think of you so much,
and im like always so close to cryim
always teary
hmmmmmm 3 weeks i cnt wait 3 weeks
i want u backs right now
i miss u alot like you dont understand
hmmmmmmmm yer 3 more exams study for rest of the weeek
ahhhh shariza

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
buh not now wen u come backs
if u can wait

olrite this is about same length of urs
so yer
illl ttyl
latahz
i miss u

See, i miss these times. I really miss them. The memories i have with you seem so recent even if they're so many weeks old.
Remember that night you came over and we just stood in front of the mirror because i said that ive never really seen us together like that? Yeah that memory replays in my mind a lot.
And that time we laughed like hardout because you were meant to sing to me, you were meant to sing to me on the 6th of june, but then we broke up on the 24th of may.

When i found out you already made plans with your boys on the friday (pupil free day) we were meant to hang out, i got full cut. Then i found out you already planned to watch terminator with your 'I-Ask Boys' i got cut heaps more. That day i promised myself to never watch any movie i was meant to watch with you. (Fast & Furious 4, Terminator, Transformers and Something else) but i broke it, i watched Transformers and i'd look next to me and see an empty seat and get disappointed because i wished you were there and i remember that we watched the first Transformers together and that was one of the days we got back together.

Before i left for fils, you said I Love You to me but i didnt say it back. Then in another email you put down 'ily' but i didnt say it back and after that, your emails changed. It seemed like you changed, it was like just because i didnt feel the same way, you lost feelings just to level with mine. My friend recently had this problem with her boyfriend, she said I Love You first to him and he didnt say it back but he was happy so she had no problem. After a couple days of saying it and no reply, she started hurting and she told me about it. It hit me. I'm so sorry i didnt say it back, it probably hurt you a lot that i never said it back to you. I think i was just scared to say it again or else i'd fall for you like i did last time, that i'd keep getting hurt like i did last time. But truthfully, i dont know if i loved you or not, i cant exactly say. All i know is, i like you ALOT and it hasnt changed since we broke up. I was in the process of falling for you and thats why its hurting me. Im so sorry i never said it back to you okay? I never saw it in that way.


"Edbie Villanueva at 8:01pm July 4
soft spot??? lol nice nah i will
of course treat it like a girlriend ;)
but without the problems"

I saw that last night and i cried so much. What that says to me is, i give you too many problems. It's that you do want a girlfriend, its just that she can't be me because you know that i give you too many problems to deal with. I got compared to with a puppy. (Y)
Thats great isnt it? It feels like i'll be like this forever and that ill take so long just to get over you. Right now i can't and i still want you. but i think it's too obvious that you dont feel the same way. What i dont get is, why do you always stare when i stare, why is your face always in concern when im looking at you with my sad face, why do you always ask ate clarisse how i am. Why dont you ask me yourself? I wish you did. I hate that i dont know whats going on with you. How i dont know how you feel because i dont know who you talk to about it. Or even if you do talk about it to anyone.

I thought to myself last night, if we were together, you'd call me up around 9ish and tell me about your puppy and say 'it's sooo cute' while i'd say "wtf baybay, i've never heard you say that before in my life'.
yeah its hard. it really is and i cant seem to get over it.
I hate that on the weekends i feel so strong, like i will get over you just like that. I get to school and my confidence goes down the drain. >< it sucks eh?


Almost - Tamia.
" .. I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it's impossible to miss
when you never had
Never almost had you.. "